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The Comedy
I never think things through. It’s been like that me whole life, it has. I just do it and most the time it turns out all right. Most the time no one gets hurt. It was only a matter of smegging time.
I just didn’t think.
I went to see him in the infirmary this afternoon. Made a deal with Hollister himself. It means double kitchen duty but I deserve worse.
He’s lookin’ ok now. I keep seeing him how he came in, me shoutin’ “I’m sorry” over and over. He won’t look at me at all. Hasn’t spoken to anyone. They’re bringin’ in the psych, what then? It’s all my fault. I did this to him.
Krissie spat on me. Even Kryten and the Cat know I screwed up on this one.
They’re right.
Why did I do it? For a laugh? I thought it’d be funny. I didn’t think about what it really meant. What scares me the most is that maybe I did.
I was pissed at him.
Pissed he was being such a smeg head. Pissed that he was acting such a twat. Like all those years after he died never happened. I was pissed that they hadn’t. I was pissed that he’d never been a hologram; he wasn’t my Rimmer.
I hate going into the common room. I hate the broken feeling in the old crew.
I hate the other prisoners, what they say about him when he’s not here. I don’t even know who it was. I can guess, only guess, because I didn’t see it happen, because I was in my cell, having a laugh. I’m responsible. It’s my fault they did this to him.
“Rimmer?” I try to talk to him. I want him to be angry. I want him to rant and rave and threaten to garrotte me with my guitar string. He hasn’t spoken to me since he came back. So I annoy him, to get him to say something.
He asks me why I poured the whole tube of the virus on him.
I was stupid, I was pissed, I’m sorry, it was meant to be a laugh.
There’s nothing funny about gang rape.
***